Guilt
by Dark Alice Lilith Strife
Summary: After a mission gone horribly wrong, Spock comforts the captain. Spock/Kirk


Title: Guilt

Pairing: Spock/Kirk

Verse: NuTrek

Rating: PG

Summary: written for schmoop bingo's friend in need prompt on livejournal. After a mission gone horribly wrong, Spock comforts the captain.

* * *

The Enterprise was docked for repairs, and was currently sitting empty as the rest of the crew had gone off for shore leave. Kirk's footsteps were loud as he walked around his ship, lost in thought. He didn't even notice his name was being called until his felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Spock standing there, 'looking' concerned. "Captain, are you feeling well?"

Kirk nodded. "I am fine, Spock. What are you doing on the ship?"

"I was looking for you," Spock replied, placing his hands behind his back.

"What did you need?"

"A message has come through from Starfleet regarding our next mission upon completing repairs."

Kirk nodded. "I will look at the message later."

"Captain?"

"Yes Spock?"

"May I walk with you?"

Kirk nodded and they silently walked through the halls, until they reached the bridge. Kirk walked up to the captain's chair, placing a hand on the back. He looked out at the vast sea of stars and the few workers floating around repairing the extensive damage that had been done to his ship.

He found himself once again lost in thought, replaying the last few days in his mind over and over again. They were ambushed by three Romulan ships while they were negotiating a treaty to a planet. Almost half his crew was killed or severely injured. He had to leave almost twenty men to die on the planet. Men he had sent to help protect the inhabitants from the Romulans.

Spock took a step next to him and all was quiet. A thought crossed his mind and he looked over at his first officer. "Spock?"

"Yes, Jim?"

"Did I make the right decision? Was leaving those men down on that planet to die really the best decision?"

Spock looked over at him. "There was no way to save them without endangering the rest of the crew."

Kirk looked at the cracks in the ceiling, the last time that happened they were stuck in a gravity pull with a black hole. "I feel like I could of saved them if I had tried harder."

"Transporters were destroyed, there was no other way to save them without engaging in further combat with the Romulans. We did the logical choice to retreat when we did. Medical Bay was at it's full capacity and remained of the crew was in Engineering attempting to keep the engines to stay running. Further rescue would of resulted in complete destruction of the ship."

Kirk nodded, his voice beginning to break. "All those men, condemned to death. And once again due to that damn alien race."

"Jim, it is not your fault."

"It doesn't make me feel any less guilty. I am the one who sent the men out to fight and then tried to fight off three Romulan ships at once. What the hell was I thinking?"

Spock looked at the distressed human and hesitantly reached out his hand. "May I?"

Kirk looked over at him and nodded. Spock initiated a meld, and was instantly bombarded with distress and guilt. Spock pushed these feelings away before sending as much calm as he could through the meld. Kirk slowly began to relax a little more. The guilt was still there, but now it was not as strongly felt. He ended the meld and stood back.

It took Kirk a moment to find his voice. "Thank you, Spock."

Spock nodded before turning back to look at the sea of stars in front of them. Slowly, Spock reached out and held out two of his fingers. Kirk copied the movement and touched the tips of their fingers together. "You are Starfleet's finest captain, Jim. Just remember that."

/lj-cut

Title: Not That Girl

Pairing: unrequited Spock/Kirk, Spock/uhura

Rating: PG

lj-cut

Kirk watched with envy as Uhura chatted with Spock. She was happy, he was sure that the Vulcan must feel the same. Spock nodded at something she said and stood to leave. She held out two fingers, something Kirk had learned to be a Vulcan kiss. Kirk turned away before he could see it.

Bones forced it out of him one night over a bottle of Andorian brandy. At first the doctor laughed at him, but his laughter died when Kirk angrily stood up to leave. Bones took hold of Kirk's hand. "I'm sorry Jim."

"It doesn't matter," He told his friend. "I'm not her, I will never be here. She knows about Vulcans and she's a women. It's the most logical choice, right?"

He had left sickbay in hurry after that. Much like he was leaving the Rec room, before he could witness their small act. He found himself on the observation deck, looking out amongst the stars. An ancient Earth Broadway song came to mind. Involving a green witch and her friends. He began to sing it softly to himself.

He failed to notice the doors open while he was in the final verse of the song. Whoever it was was patient to let him finish before they spoke. "I have heard that song before."

Kirk jumped and turned to see Spock standing by the doorway. "Spock, I didn't hear you come in."

Spock walked over and stood beside him. "'I'm Not that Girl' from the Terran Broadway play Wicked, am I correct?"

Kirk nodded. "Yes, it is."

"My mother owned a copy of the soundtrack," Spock said. "I found myself very fond of it as a child."

"You were different, I can see why."

"Why were you signing it?"

Kirk felt his face heat up slightly. "I just felt like it."

"It was an interesting song to pick," Spock said. "I deduced that you would of picked another. I believe it was called 'Defying Gravity'."

"Maybe at one point I would of sang it," Kirk replied. "But it does not apply to me now."

"Does not apply? Captain, may I ask why?"

Kirk's eyes widened at his slip up. "It's nothing Spock, do not concern yourself with it."

For a moment Kirk though Spock looked concerned, but when he took another look Spock was still just as emotionless as ever. "I understand."

They stood there in silence for what seemed like forever. Kirk looked over to stare at Spock and decided that even if he couldn't have Spock for himself, he could at least be his friend.


End file.
